American Skid Marks
Setting out on a great American motorcycle roadtrip.

Biker Movies

Its been a mundane couple weeks. The weather in Seattle has been gradually catching up to the season, but there is still a lot of rain falling. Today it snowed for Pete’s sake.
I’ve been cooped up, in the garage working on my bike. I flushed the coolant, replaced the tires and disassembled the front brake calipers … like I said, mundane. So, I’ve been collecting and watching movies and shows related to motorcycling; setting the mood, if you will. Here is my review of the media I’ve gorged on the last few weeks:


Easy Rider

Drugs, bikes and hippies. Incidentally, it would seem that they beat hippies to death in the South. Actually, it would seem that they beat anyone who is different to death in the South. Really, its just a reflection of conservative America, lots of folks talking about freedom but ready to stomp anyone who actually displays some.

Oh, yeah, they’re gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it’s gonna scare’em.

Lesson learned, I’d better fit in while riding through Louisiana. Maybe something subtle:

Burning Man Photo

Subtle ...


Torque

This is, quite possibly, the most realistic biker movie ever made. The movie pretty much sumarizes most of my weekend outings on my bike with friends. Oh sure, it may exagerate some things a bit (I mean it’s Hollywood after all) but overall this movie is superb. Soo-Perb-Ah!


Faster

and

The Doctor, the Tornado, and the Kentucky Kid

A couple of documentaries about Moto Grand Prix narrated by Ewan “Hi I’m Charlie Boorman’s sidekick” McGregor. So, MotoGP guys are pretty much pussies. Based on what I saw in these two flicks, these dudes fall down constantly. And as near as I can tell, all they do all day is ride round and round in circles. I’m betting my grandpa could out-ride these douchbags … and he’s dead. Ha ha!


The World Fastest Indian

A feel good inspirational movie about some senior citizen who hauls his POS home-built drag bike down to the Bonneville Salf Flats and sets a speed record. Whatever … I suppose that if you’re a grumpy geriatric patient with crap soaked diapers who wants to vicariously live out some “Born to Be Wild” fantasy, this movie might fit the bill. Knock yoursef out gramps.


Biker Boyz

Nothing. I mean No-Thang screams “Street Cred” like substituting ‘Z’ for ‘S’ in the title of a movie. This flick ranks a close second to Torque as best motorcycle movie EVAR! The only problem was that it’s all about black dudes and, you know, I’m a white dude … so … you know … I just don’t get it. Lastly, it would appear that black folks do everything like they were in a production of Stomp, seriously, check out the dismount sequence in the clip! Thanks Hollywood, without you I wouldn’t know how to relate to black folks, but with your spot on ethnic portrayals, its eeeaaasy :)!


Wild Hogs

Motorcycles are like Viagra. They give middle aged dudes the illusion of being young again. Actually, that’s not really such a bad thing. Their dicks not working and a sad pining for the wildness of their younger years seem to be two things that really get guys over 40 down. I am all for folks not feeling down. So, if your dick does not work or if you find yourself re-living that night in college, when you drank a fifth of Jager and jumped into the pool from the third story of some hotel in Mexico, one too many times … buy a motorcylce.


That’s all for now. I’m making my way through Long Way Round” right now as I gear up for my own adventure. More to come as the weather improves and the wheels get re-attached to my bike.

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2 Responses to “Biker Movies”

  1. Hey, man. So, like, ur plannin to ride a motorcycle a really really long way? Dood… that’s awesome. Ur gonna have so much fun. Seriously, though, ur gonna have so much fun. Seriously, though, ur gonna have so much fun. Did you read that line twice? That’s cause ur loaded. U will probably read that line over and over again, and forget that u read it. Just like you forget how high ur eyebrows need to be when ur in public, and then u keep movin them up and down cause u think they might be too far up or too far down. What, u didn’t think anyone noticed that? Dood… Ur trippin!

    Okay, like, I gotta go cause my mom is leaving to go to the store and I can’t stay home alone cause she’s afraid our dog might bite me. We got a big dog. So, later, dude. I will check ur blog to see if ur still alive, or if the hillbilly’s got u on account of ur bein strange to them. If they squeel at u like a pig, run.

    Dood!

    • I am … in fact … loaded. It is amazing that you knew that! If I came over to your house right now, your dog would totally bite the crap out of my hand because it would be like, “That dude is totally messed up.”

      In any case, congratulations Dillon on being the first person to post to my blog who I do not already know! That is awesome. If you are someone I already know … don’t tell me because it would deflate all of this excitement I have flowing right now! Dood!


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